So, I have to venture into the job market once again. I do not regret my decision to leave my job after this school year, but there are definitely some very present anxieties in my head at the moment. So far, the search hasn't yielded hardly anything, and it sometimes feels like I'm trying to squeeze water out of a stone. I know it's a matter of persistence and prayer, but golly gee willikers is it tough! Not only am I desperately searching for a job before the school year is out (two weeks from now!), but I am also trying to find an employer that will be willing to hire me when I will be unavailable every other week until August due to the retreat I'm attending at St. John's Monastery in Manton and the summer camp that I'm trying to run (see here if interested). It's taking a lot of effort to keep myself as balanced as I can through all of it.
In addition, I'm in the process of trying to move out, which is also proving to be quite complicated. I have a dog, which narrows down the options quite a bit.
Of course, I can't talk about discouragement without mentioning the political strife, hate, and violence that has our country in a vice grip. Since I was a little girl I have been deeply affected by world events, let alone traumatic happenings in my country. I feel outraged, devastated, hopeless, and helpless all at once. While I do have a voice, it feels like it's a whisper in a crowded room of people screaming. I just don't have the resources to fight in the way that I would like. I can vote, I can speak in whatever way possible, and I can, yes, pray. That's it. And maybe, if everyone did that, it would be just enough.
This turned out to be an extremely negative post, and for that I apologize, but like I said, I'm a whisper in a crowded room. However, I have begun to explore the idea of sharing some of the skills that I've learned through years of group and individual therapy, and I've found that not only does it interest other people, but it helps me deal with my very extreme emotions. So, there are some silver linings, thank God.